Dear Jack,

Remember what I said about William Hurt? I take that back. After hearing you talk more and watching you hair flap about, it's actually a Craig T. Nelson thing you have going on, only smarter. Not that there's anything wrong with that. No sir! It's very attractive.

Say, I hope I don't have to tell you that the alliance of eight is already broken. The notion that you haven't figured it out yet leaves me worried. As the rest of the younger crowd make themselves look sillier by the day, your fan base grows! You need to stay sharp. No distractions. Win this game for us, FBI Guy!

xoxo,
Netbiscuit

P.S. Real life beckoned to me today and I have no idea what went on in the house. I promise to pay more attention to you this weekend if you promise to continue walking around shirtless. Deal? Deal!